They aren't hurt!!
6 years ago
Showing posts with label Funny Friday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Friday. Show all posts
Funny Friday! A noise/distraction eradicator!!!
Keeps out the distractions!
Just in case you get chilly while you are working at your computer...keeps your hands and head warm, too!
Submitted by Shannon of Gillyweeds
Friday Funny
The other day I was at the store and the girls and I saw Christmas items up. Well, here's how I feel about that. It's too early. This picture sums it up for me.
Ever Wonder?
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what
they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with
artificial flavor, and dish washing
liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all
your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the
slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle
for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black
box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out
of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what
they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with
artificial flavor, and dish washing
liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all
your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the
slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored
cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle
for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black
box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out
of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
Funny Friday...Secrets of a happy marriage!
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. Nothing was
held back. Well, almost nothing. They had kept no secrets from each other
except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet
that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the
little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In
trying to sort out their affairs, the old man took down the shoebox and took
it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know
what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a
stack of money totaling $250,000. Holy Moley! He asked her about the
contents.
"When we were to be married," she started, "my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever
got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily." The old
man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were
inside the box! She had only been angry with him two times in all those
years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he
said, "that explains the doilies, but.... what about all this money? Where
did it all come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies.
Submitted by Shannon of Gillyweeds
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. Nothing was
held back. Well, almost nothing. They had kept no secrets from each other
except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet
that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the
little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In
trying to sort out their affairs, the old man took down the shoebox and took
it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know
what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a
stack of money totaling $250,000. Holy Moley! He asked her about the
contents.
"When we were to be married," she started, "my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever
got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily." The old
man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were
inside the box! She had only been angry with him two times in all those
years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he
said, "that explains the doilies, but.... what about all this money? Where
did it all come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies.
Submitted by Shannon of Gillyweeds
Funny Friday!
This cartoon is more for the yarn and fiber lovers out there, taken from http://www.the-panopticon.blogspot.com/ .
Enjoy! This cartoon was submitted by Shannon of Gillyweeds
Enjoy! This cartoon was submitted by Shannon of Gillyweeds
Friday Funny
It's $50 after all..
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
And every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,
And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth,
I almost said something when Esther fell out,
But you know,
fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
And every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,
And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
I'm impressed!'
Morris replied,
'Well, to tell you the truth,
I almost said something when Esther fell out,
But you know,
fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'